What A Narsistic Grrl Would Say..

I never found an answer why I always move against the current. I thought it’s because I wanted to be different from people, I wanted to stand out in the crowd… but that’s not it.

I just don’t want to have any attachments to people, it’s easier to be done when I got nothing in common with other people, it’s easier to be done when people rejects me… but again, why I don’t want to have any attachments??

I find cold and avoiding people are attractive, I got uneasy feeling and uncomfortable when someone started to get used to me and begins to feel attached to me.

I don’t want to get hurt. People lie, people cheated and people die… call me a selfish bitch if you want, but I’m afraid of loosing the people I love therefore I avoid loving people.

Funny how some people see me as a ‘fun-loving’ person… since I hate everyone and everything. So… I don’t show it openly, but I kinda hate everything little thing in life.

I fell in love with a damn character in a film just because he’s a pathetic cold bastard and he doesn’t exist in the real world, but I am completely head over heel for this character and I wishes that there is someone in this world could be so damned the same as he is.

I like this character because I know that he would never be able to say ‘love’ or even show any compassion to other people, therefore I know that there will be no strong feelings or affection (oh… I hate affection so much I could die and drown in it). I love him because I know that he would never love me and there will be no love between us, confuse? Maybe you would think I’m a masochist or just plain pathetic! Hey… maybe I am.

Horrible don’t you think?

So what?! It’s the way of life I choose, I choose not to get hurt anymore, I choose not to take any part of feelings influenced relationship. It’s more practical to have only a functional one, you can end it any time it doesn’t serve the function anymore.

Or maybe I’m over analysing myself just as I over analyse anything else in this world!

C’est la vie